How to Write an Obituary (Without Losing Your Mind)
- Dianne DeRoze
- Jun 23
- 6 min read
Let’s start with a truth you probably already know deep down: writing an obituary is hard.
Not just because it’s emotional—although, yes, it absolutely is—but because it often happens during a moment when your brain and your heart are in full survival mode. You’re grieving, managing family logistics, possibly planning a service, and holding everything together for everyone else. And now you’re expected to sum up someone’s entire life in a few paragraphs?
No pressure, right?
If you're reading this, you're probably the one everyone leans on. You're the planner, the peacekeeper, the one who makes sure things get done. You might be juggling caregiving for your aging parents, raising your kids, and staying afloat at work—all while navigating your own emotional exhaustion. So let me start by saying: I see you.
Now, let’s make this part easier.
What an Obituary Really Is
At its core, an obituary is a love letter. It’s a moment of storytelling, a short tribute that reflects the unique life of someone who mattered deeply.
You don’t have to be a professional writer. You just have to be willing to reflect on who your loved one was and what they brought to the people around them.
That’s why I created the Obituary Prep Workbook, part of the Memorial Minders collection. It walks you through each part of the obituary process with practical prompts and a gentle reminder that you’re not doing this alone.
Step-by-Step: How to Write a Thoughtful Obituary
1. Start with the Essentials
✔ Full Name
✔ Nickname (if they preferred something else)
✔ Birth and death dates
✔ Age
✔ Location (birthplace, where they lived most of their life)
This is your opening line, and it’s usually factual. You might say something like:
“Susan Marie Thompson, known lovingly as ‘Susie’ to her family and friends, passed away peacefully on June 5, 2025, at the age of 87.”
The tone can be formal, but it doesn't have to be. Think about what sounds like them.
2. Mention Their People
Include names of close family members, both living and deceased. You don’t have to list every cousin and great-aunt—just the people central to their story. If your loved one was especially close to someone who wasn’t technically family, it’s okay to include that too.
We offer space in the workbook to track:
Spouse or partner
Children (and their spouses)
Grandchildren/great-grandchildren
Siblings
Chosen family or dear friends
3. Talk About What They Did—but Keep It Human
Career, education, volunteer work—yes, this matters. But the best obituaries don't read like résumés. They reflect passion and pride.
For example:
“After graduating from Howard University, Maria worked as a pediatric nurse for over 30 years. Her gentle humor and steady hands helped calm generations of terrified toddlers.”
The workbook prompts you to include:
What made them feel proud at work
Community roles or service
Military or public service
A favorite “work story” that sums up who they were
4. Show Who They Were
This is the part that makes people laugh or tear up—sometimes both. Think about:
What they loved doing
Catchphrases or quirks
How they showed love
What made them laugh at themselves
From the workbook:
“Three words to describe them”“What hobbies did they love?”“What do people always remember or say about them?”
This is where their personality shines. Were they the family storyteller? A die-hard plant whisperer? A sarcastic jokester with a soft spot for stray cats? These details matter more than any title.
5. Share a Favorite Thing or Two
Did they listen to Patsy Cline every Sunday? Make the world’s best peach cobbler? Watch the same Hallmark movies every Christmas?
In our workbook, we help you record:
Favorite song, book, or quote
Favorite vacation or memory
A food or drink they couldn’t resist
These little memories help people connect to the obituary—even those reading it years later.
6. Reflect on Legacy
You don’t have to write a life philosophy. But a simple reflection helps close the obituary with grace.
Use prompts like:
What were they proud of?
What did they teach us?
What do they want to be remembered for?
Even something short, like:
“More than anything, Joan wanted to be remembered as someone who made people feel seen. And she did.”
7. Add Funeral Details (If Known)
Include:
Service date/time/location
Where to send flowers or donations
Whether there will be a celebration of life later
If this info isn’t ready yet, just say something like “Details forthcoming.”
Newspaper vs. Online: What to Know
Newspaper obituaries📰 Usually 75–200 words🧾 Charged per word or line✏️ Keep it factual and short: key dates, close family, short career line, service info
Online obituaries💻 300–800+ words🎨 You can include more personality, storytelling, even photos💬 Think of this as the “full version” you can share with your community
The workbook includes guidance for writing both—and even includes a sample prompt you can copy into an AI tool (like ChatGPT) to get a draft going.
🖼 Choosing the Right Photo (and Making Sure It’s Ready)
If there’s one part of writing an obituary that stirs up the most opinions in a family group chat, it’s this: Which photo do we use?
There’s no one right answer. But there is a right feeling. The best photo is one that makes people say their name out loud when they see it.
Choose a Recent Photo When:
You want people to recognize them as they were in their final years.
The image reflects how they showed up for family, church, or community in their later life.
Most of the readers are from their current circle of friends, neighbors, or caregivers.
Choose an Older Photo When:
There’s a “golden years” photo everyone associates with them—maybe from their 30s, 40s, or a special life moment.
You want to evoke memories from when they were most active in parenting, career, or community life.
You’re leaning toward a more reflective or nostalgic tone in the obituary.
Pro Tip:
If the obituary is being published online, consider using both—one recent, and one meaningful photo from earlier years. It’s a beautiful way to show the arc of a life.
📸 And don’t forget: you’ll need a digital copy of the photo. That means scanning that printed picture stuck in an old album, or pulling it from someone’s phone and saving it in a secure folder.
Our workbook, A Life Remembered, includes a checklist to help you remember this step and keep it organized for easy sharing.
🧭 Obituaries as a Legacy for the Future
It’s easy to think of an obituary as just something that runs for a few days in a newspaper or online memorial. But here’s the truth: many obituaries become searchable online and remain there permanently.
Years from now, a grandchild—or great-grandchild—may find it when they’re curious about where they came from. That short obituary becomes part of your family’s lasting story.
That’s why we encourage you to think of it not just as a notice, but as a small legacy.
Something that captures who your loved one really was—not just when they were most accomplished, but when they were most themselves.
It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be real.
If You Can Do This Before the Time Comes
Okay, deep breath. I know that sounds hard. But one of the most surprising things people say after filling out our workbook is:
“I learned something new about my mom that I never knew before.”
Doing this in advance—with your loved one, or on your own as prep—isn’t morbid. It’s intimate. It’s meaningful. And honestly? It’s a relief.
Your Next Step
Have what you need to get started, then grab a cup of coffee or a cocktail and start answering the questions in the post.
Want more guidance and support?
✨ Download the A Life Remembered: Obituary Prep Workbook
It’s fillable, private, and designed with your time and energy in mind. Use it all at once, or bit by bit. Print it or keep it digital.
And if you’re really stuck? The workbook includes an AI prompt to help you draft it with your notes.
You’re doing something deeply kind. And you’re not doing it alone.
Warmly,
Dianne DeRoze
Founder, Memorial Minders
Helpful for sure!